i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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