my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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