my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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