Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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