i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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