My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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