Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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