I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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