I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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