how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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