god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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