remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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