last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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