you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hippo gnu deer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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