I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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