As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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