So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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