and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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