Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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