I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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