We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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