Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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