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What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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