First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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