I just gift wrapped bread.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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