I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize