i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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