I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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