No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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