Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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