dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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