We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize