how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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