Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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