I think my fart just growled at me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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