I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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