i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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