So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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