your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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