mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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