I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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