It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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