just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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