i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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