Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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