That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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