I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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