After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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