"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize