I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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